More Curiosity, Please!

If you are a Ted Lasso fan, then you likely remember that powerful scene where Ted Lasso recites the famous Walt Whitman quote…"Be curious, not judgmental." (Remember? Rebecca, darts, and the gross ex-husband???)

Although I hadn’t thought much about the quote since watching that episode, it came up for me a few times in the last couple of weeks. And I started to think about what it really means for me, and how we can apply the principle in our lives. 

We live in a very judgy culture. I don’t just mean the negative and harmful side of judgment, like judging people harshly for things that make them unique and then excluding them, or worse, discriminating against them. 

Judgment starts very early in life. We are constantly measuring ourselves and others against some made up standard. Think about it - at the moment of our birth, we are weighed and measured and then stack-ranked against other newborns for size. Our aptitude is measured in school via grades and class rankings. Our work performance is measured against a subjective standard and compared to our colleagues to determine if we are "worthy" of a raise. 

And then we apply judgments to the measurements. All of those calculations tell us whether we are "good" or "bad." Whether we can be part of the group or are othered. If we don’t "measure up" to these made up standards, then maybe we aren’t worthy or valuable. 

So we are in it. Deep in it.

It’s easy to be on autopilot and just accept the standards created by some men a long time ago, even when those standards don’t fit who we are now. That’s how we exist in the current structure, and there are people who want to keep it that way because it works for them. 

But what if, in all that measuring of ourselves and each other that we do, we were to stop short of applying the traditional judgment, and instead fostered curiosity? What would that look like? 

What if instead of thinking producing less at work means the worker can’t pull their weight, is lazy, or not a good fit, we were curious about how that worker works best and what gifts they have to share? 

What if instead of thinking that the personal characteristics of a person are a disability and instead we were curious about how it is actually a super power? 

What if instead of thinking that all the things that make us different from everyone else around us make us inadequate, we were curious about how those very things can serve us in creating a life that brings us joy? 

Judging ourselves and each other is totally normal in our ontology. We all do it. Every day in multiple ways. And sometimes it helps us survive and keeps us safe. 

But it’s time to switch off the judgment autopilot and be curious. 

Curiosity opens our minds. It helps us set aside conventional thinking and cultivates imagination. It opens up new possibilities for actions we could take that honors each other’s uniqueness instead of pushing people to the margins when they don’t "measure up." 

So the next time you find yourself in a position to make a judgment, about yourself or someone else, hear me asking you...

What it would be like to be curious instead?

If there was ever a time we needed to cultivate our imaginations and bring people closer to us rather than pushing them away, it’s now. 

Yours in solidarity, 

Jill