It's the Work That's the Problem

I remember it clear as day. It was a Saturday morning. My 3 year old was in the back seat, wearing an oversized jersey and a little set of cleats. We were headed to his very first soccer practice. Is there anything cuter than 3 year olds playing soccer? 

I took the work call as we turned into the field parking lot. I hoped I’d be able to get through it quickly. Instead, I spent the entire soccer practice in my car on the phone, getting called to account for something I had zero control over.

I missed it. There’d never be another first soccer practice. 

I don’t recall exactly what happened after, but presumably I spent the weekend sharing the “message” I had received with my colleagues. I wonder how many of them I pulled away from their personal time, like I had been pulled away from mine…

This is just one instance in a litany of similar instances, many of which are long forgotten, where work invaded my personal space. My inability to set strong boundaries at work left me burned out physically, emotionally, and mentally. It didn’t just impact me, though. It affected everyone connected to me, both at work and at home.  

A dystopian cityscape. Created by Theodore, age 7

While my story is my own, the experience is, in a sense, universal. And it’s not unique to a company, an industry, or an employment sector. It happens everywhere. We live in a culture that believes our work generates our value. When we see our own value tied to what we produce, it becomes much more difficult to say "no" to work. 

We find ourselves now in a moment of sea change. What we have suffered through the last two years has brought many things into perspective. Burnout rates are through the roof. People are deeply uncomfortable where they are, and desperately searching for a new way. We can see it coming to the surface in the soaring rates of job dissatisfaction, the record number of resignations, union organizing, and striking workers. 

Leaders are scrambling. They’re adding perks, updating benefits, trying to be more flexible, and in some cases, upping compensation. Those efforts may make a small dent in attrition, especially compensation. Money is a big driver in workers' decisions to find employment elsewhere. After all, if they are going to be miserable, they might as well make more money in the process. 

But what’s missing in many of these conversations is any attempt to address what I believe is at the root of the problem: the work itself. 

Take a walk with me…

If we were to accept that work itself is the problem, it’s easy to see there isn’t a perk, an app, or a benefit that will really stem the tide of mass resignations. This realization gives us an opening to interrogate how we’ve been working and the impact that it has had on us as human beings. Spoiler alert: it’s not great. 

When we zoom out, the problem looks intractable, just like many of the immense problems we face as a country and as a planet. But we don’t have to change the world. We just have to do what we can in our little corner of it. 

So here’s my unsolicited advice for leaders, or really anyone who delegates work to someone else, and I say this with love: 

Just stop. You’re doing too much. You’re asking for too much. 

I know what you’re thinking… "We can’t just stop! There is too much work to be done. All of it is important and has to be finished." 

Are you sure about that? 

Really sit with it for a minute and ask yourself is there truly NOTHING that you are asking others to do that can’t be put on hold for six months, or forever?  Maybe this looks like shelving big projects, or maybe it’s on a task by task basis. You get to choose. Even small actions taken together amount to something much bigger. 

So how could this play out? 

Well, if you are delegating work to others right now, you are likely receiving a lot of resistance to your requests. I’m sure that’s frustrating, and the common response is to apply more pressure. But consider an alternative approach. Rather than digging your heels in, pause and notice the resistance. Be curious about what’s driving it. Ask for an easier way to accomplish your goal and be open to suggestions. Be willing to accept the word "no" and make sure they know it’s safe to tell you "no." (This, of course, requires that it is actually safe - meaning - no escalating to their boss or berating them for it.)

Self-censorship is also important. Just because you have a brilliant idea of a new way to do things doesn’t mean the time is right to bring it into being. Today’s not the day. Probably not tomorrow either. Really reflect on whether it needs to happen right now, and if so, assess how much difficulty it will cause others. Don't just assume, ask those that will be directly affected. Be mindful of impact when adding new tasks to other people’s plates. Remember, their suffering is your suffering, and vice versa. 

Listen, I’m not saying it will always be easy. Or even possible. But it will be easy and possible sometimes, if you are open to it. The purpose is to create just a little bit of space where you can. Give folks some room to breathe.

It’s a lot to be alive right now. We have a way of compartmentalizing things like grief and trauma as a coping mechanism. But it doesn't just disappear because we show up to work. People are really struggling, and it’s understandable. Psychologists will tell you that humans aren’t built to withstand this level of crisis for this long. Pulling back on what we demand of each other at work is one simple way we can take care of one another on a human level. 

When we each do our part to minimize suffering at work, our own suffering is minimized, too. Our actions ripple outward and affect everyone around us. We have a choice about whether those actions create a positive impact or a negative one. Sometimes the way we create a positive impact is by taking no action at all.

As I reflect back on the experience of my son’s first soccer practice and others like it, I can’t help but wonder how different things would have been had I not felt overwhelmed and under pressure to sacrifice my personal time for work so frequently. I can’t say I wouldn’t be exactly where I am right now, but I know the journey would have been much more enjoyable. How we experience life is really all that matters in the end.

The good news is that every moment gives us another chance to make a different choice. One that's better for all of us.

With love and in solidarity,

Jill

P.S. I offer 1:1 coaching programs that are custom designed to help. Get started here!